The Most Introverted Extrovert You Will Ever Meet

I know, I know, you’re probably thinking ‘what the in the world? That can’t be possible!’, but let me tell you it is & I am living proof of it.

If you would have asked me, even a year ago, I would have 100% told you that I am an extrovert, because those who know me well can testify that I am an outgoing, sociable person who is people oriented & friendly. Which is the definition of an extrovert & I totally am all of those things.

However, it wasn’t until Josh said to me one night “you know, you are the most introverted extrovert I have ever known.” that I truly looked at the flip side & when I googled the definition (after telling him he was nuts), that I realized he was so right.  

To be an introvert, or introverted, typically means you are a person who is shy, reserved, withdrawn, reticent, diffident, retiring, quiet, timid, timorous, meek or bashful. Someone who likes to spend time alone. Which is also true of me & my personality.  While I know some of you who know me best are still scratching your heads, others are thinking ‘oh yeah, she’s totally an introvert.’ So let me explain & I bet you will see what I mean.

Those that know me best, know that I embody all of the characteristics of a true extrovert. I love meeting new people, it is seriously my jam. I love listening to others, learning from them & building relationships with those around me or who have similar interests. I am a total people person, until that little voice in my head gets a hold of me. Then I become very introverted & doubt creeps in.

“Was I overbearing? Did I dominate the conversation? Did I over share? Because I totally do that sometimes.. Gosh, I hope I didn’t offend that person. They probably think I am crazy.” And the list goes on… This voice quickly turns me into an over-thinking introvert who is now terrified, but on the other hand is genuinely looking to build relationships with others & to connect with them.

(Sidebar: I will always enjoy spending time alone, because it’s quiet and peaceful, but not 24/7. If you have kids, you understand. )

Let’s be honest. It was MUCH easier to make friends on the playground as a kid than it is to make friends as an adult. But why?? I think I know a couple of reasons.

The number one reason, in my opinion, the labels we give each other. We all do it (so don’t pretend you don’t), it’s what you allow those labels to do, mentally, that define the course of your relationship. Case in point, if you place the label on someone as a “snob” or “stuck up”, for example, you will always see them as such. Unless you make an effort to put that label your brain places aside & actually get to know that person and see their heart, their morals, their values, etc...

I am willing to bet that 9 times out of 10 that if you set that label aside, you will meet some truly wonderful & amazing people in life. I know that I have &I truly feel we need to stop being so quick to judge. Judgement builds walls & divides us, causes unnecessary drama & exclusion (just to name a couple of things.) Judgement does nothing to benefit you or the person you are judging & in turn, does a disservice to everyone.

All of that being said, not everything is unicorns, rainbows & glitter bombs ( as I like to say & p.s. no one I have ever met truly likes glitter bombs.. #ImJustSayin),  but it is these shared life experiences that should bring us together, not drive us apart.

Speaking of building walls... Judgement isn’t the only thing that builds walls. Our past experiences build walls too & those walls can be massive. Every time we have a negative interaction, hurt someone or are hurt ourselves we add a brick to our wall. 

I use to be the type of person who always wore their heart on their sleeve. I was very open, quick to share & quick to open up to others. Until I was hurt time after time, sometimes it was just one of life’s learning experiences & the wounds healed quickly, but the brick was still there on my wall. Other times the hurt was so deep it added multiple bricks and levels to the wall. Some tough lessons that needed to be learned, others were people just being downright mean, despiteful & looking to tear someone down so they could build themselves up & I was given the “luxury” of being that person for some people.

It has taken me a very long time to learn that while building a wall can be seen as a negative thing, such as pushing everyone & everything away from you ( been there, done that) they can also be a source of learning & a place of healing. While no matter what you do you can’t erase that brick in your wall, you can forgive the person (or people) who put it there & learn from it.

Case in point, I still wear my heart on my sleeve, but only to those who I know and trust in my inner circle, my tribe, and I love those people deeply. It takes me a longer now to open up & trust others, but when I do, I am that extroverted person, these people are the ones in my life who don’t just get to see or hear about all the good things, they are the people who are there with me through the tough things too. They give & take tough love, the people I can be 100% myself around all the time no matter what life is throwing at me.

That’s not to say I am fake around anyone else in life, because I don’t believe in being or acting like someone you’re not, it just means that I am a little bit more reserved, I keep things light & have general conversation. It is from these conversations, I have had many wonderful & beautiful lifelong friendships form.

So just maybe Josh was right. When you first meet me, you might think that I am a total introvert. That’s because my life experiences have taught me to be so, but have no fear, the extrovert inside will eventually come out.

And I think maybe, just maybe there are more people out there just like me, the introverted extrovert, than I think…